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Band 5

Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving companies,their employees and factories to the countryside.Do you agree or disagree ?

#traffic #cities #companies #employees #factories #countryside
As the population is increasing globally,both developed and developing countries are facing
with
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apply
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heavy traffic congestion and housing problems in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 major
cities
.I strongly advocate the statement that these issues could be addressed by relocating the
companies
,factories and their employees to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural
areas
. First and foremost,it is obvious that traffic jams are
inevitable
Add an article
an inevitable
the inevitable
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 problem in our everyday life during peak hours in metropolitan
areas
where
Correct word choice
that
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 have become overcrowded in accordance with
increased
Add an article
an increased
the increased
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 number of vehicles .
In addition
, a vast amount of people from the countryside are migrating to urban
cities
 to attain employment opportunities and greater education.
Therefore
,the population in modern
cities
 soared to the peak compared with other
areas
 with the price of apartments and estates
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being noticeably increased
due to
 the high
demanding
Replace the word
demand
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 by
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
Consequently
,the small
areas
 where people crammed in one place contribute to environmental damage
such
 as air pollution.
On the other hand
, some people consider that moving the
companies
 and garments to the rural regions might be inconvenient for the employees and consumers because of the long transportation hours.
However
,
companies
 can employ
the
Correct article usage
apply
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workers who are willing to live in rural
areas
 and
also
 the public transportation systems would be improved in the future.
Besides
,it is advisable that the government enforce
a
Remove the article
apply
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law and give tax breaks to the
companies
 that move to the countryside.Regarding the reduction of industrial
areas
 in
cities
,the population density might be declined so that the accommodation
areas
 will
also
 expand gradually.
To conclude
,employees and their
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces
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 are one of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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traffic congestion
as well as
 the unavailability of housing in urban
cities
.If
such
 organisations shift to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
,all
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 problems would have
resolved
Add a missing verb
been resolved
show examples
.
Submitted by salmar9694 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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