IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people who care for the elderly, do not have enough time to look after themselves. What are the problems related to this ? What are some possible solutions ?

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The elderly often
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 themselves neglected by their caretakers. One of the reasons is to have less time, because of an overload of duties or to have a less emotional feeling toward them. There are two main reasons for
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, so many people are there in society who really
care
Use synonyms
 for the aged but
due to
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 the extreme pressure from their other commitments, they can not finish their responsibilities.
As a result
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 of
this
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 many aged have to shift to old age homes, where they do not get love and
care
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, nurses who
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
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 to look after them with love and
care
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, consider them as just duties.
Furthermore
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, today too many youngsters have shifted overseas for a better future which leads the seniors to leave alone. In spite of, their wish to look after their parents some government policies do not allow it.
This
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 can be solved by changing some work environments. The government and other authorities
also
Linking Words
 need to provide some better health
care
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 policies for old age houses.
For instance
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, by appointing well-qualified staff who can look after the aged with proper love and
care
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. The person who is suffering from high mental pressure needs to make himself more relaxed, either by doing some yoga or by sharing his work with others. Join family can
also
Linking Words
 solve
this
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 major issue of not having time, where aged one founds themselves always surrounded by little kids, which allows them to be happy.
To conclude
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, the reason for less
care
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 for the elderly is work pressure and the distance of their children for a better lifestyle. There are some steps that need to be taken by the government and by changing our family life, one can really show their
care
Use synonyms
 towards their parents.

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Task Achievement
The response addresses the task to a limited extent. The points are supported but lack depth and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is evidence of a clear introduction and conclusion. The essay lacks some coherence and needs better connection between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in the use of more varied and precise language.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows some range and control of grammar, but there are errors and awkward phrasings that hinder clarity.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
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