In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

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There have been growing concerns about the range of educational

subjects

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that

students

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are required. Some people may have suggested that

students

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should focus on specific

subjects

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to prepare for their future careers.

This

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will be helpful to

students

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however

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personally

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personally,

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I believe secondary schools should encourage

students

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to learn a variety of

subjects

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Firstly

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, a general education across various

subjects

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will be beneficial to

students

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. Just imagine that the academic

subjects

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that are related to a particular

career

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such

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as math and science,

forcing

Wrong verb form

force

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students

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to concentrate on memorising the complex formulas and scientific concepts. What I am concerned about is that

students

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may lose their interest in studying, thereby having narrow perspectives on those

subjects

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which only demand a studious atmosphere.

However

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, if

students

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are provided non-academic

classes

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such

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as art and music in general education, they might be able to broaden their perspectives and allow them to figure out various occupations.

Consequently

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, I believe that having diverse

classes

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in schools contributes to not only discovering talent but

also

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expanding the path of their future

career

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Nevertheless

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, studying

career

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-related

subjects

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can assist

students

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in focusing immensely on their specific

subjects

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. In Korea,

for instance

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, getting high performance in English is crucial for entering University

as well as

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when getting a job.

Hence

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, it is beneficial for

students

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to spend most of their time preparing for English tests, which demand high standard levels rather than other

subjects

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Moreover

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students

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can reduce stress by avoiding

classes

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that they are not interested in.

For example

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, if some

classes

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like music or sports are mandatory in school,

students

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who are not good at those

classes

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will be overwhelmed and feel frustrated. In conclusion,

although

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focusing on a narrow range of

subjects

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related to a

career

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can reduce strains on

students

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, I believe that experiencing various

subjects

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is essential because it provides a lot of different perspectives, which will contribute to

enhance

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enhancing

show examples

the

career

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path in the long run. We should encourage

students

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to find out their talent by giving them various opportunities.

kchengiiTue May 21 2024

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task achievement

Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. Your stance is clear, but at times, the explanation can be more assertive to underscore your viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

Work on refining your transitions between ideas. While your essay is coherent, smoother transitions can enhance the flow of your argument.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. While the examples given are good, adding more can strengthen your arguments further.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument and clearly outlines your stance.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion is well-rounded and reinforces your main argument, providing a satisfying sense of closure.

coherence cohesion

The essay is cohesive with logical structuring of points in each paragraph, making it easy to follow your argument.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, the governments do not place importance on observing and controlling the design and construction of homes and apartments. What the disadvantages

Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world report that students tend to have behavioural problems. Unfortunately, this will make it harder for schools to educate students as problematic behaviours are likely to interfere with the education process.

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?