In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?
There have been growing concerns about the range of educational
subjects
that students
are required. Some people may have suggested that students
should focus on specific subjects
to prepare for their future careers. This
will be helpful to students
, however
, personally
I believe secondary schools should encourage Add a comma
personally,
students
to learn a variety of subjects
.
Firstly
, a general education across various subjects
will be beneficial to students
. Just imagine that the academic subjects
that are related to a particular career
such
as math and science, forcing
Wrong verb form
force
students
to concentrate on memorising the complex formulas and scientific concepts. What I am concerned about is that students
may lose their interest in studying, thereby having narrow perspectives on those subjects
which only demand a studious atmosphere. However
, if students
are provided non-academic classes
such
as art and music in general education, they might be able to broaden their perspectives and allow them to figure out various occupations. Consequently
, I believe that having diverse classes
in schools contributes to not only discovering talent but also
expanding the path of their future career
.
Nevertheless
, studying career
-related subjects
can assist students
in focusing immensely on their specific subjects
. In Korea, for instance
, getting high performance in English is crucial for entering University as well as
when getting a job. Hence
, it is beneficial for students
to spend most of their time preparing for English tests, which demand high standard levels rather than other subjects
. Moreover
, students
can reduce stress by avoiding classes
that they are not interested in. For example
, if some classes
like music or sports are mandatory in school, students
who are not good at those classes
will be overwhelmed and feel frustrated.
In conclusion, although
focusing on a narrow range of subjects
related to a career
can reduce strains on students
, I believe that experiencing various subjects
is essential because it provides a lot of different perspectives, which will contribute to enhance
the Change the verb form
enhancing
career
path in the long run. We should encourage students
to find out their talent by giving them various opportunities.Submitted by kchengii on
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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. Your stance is clear, but at times, the explanation can be more assertive to underscore your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your transitions between ideas. While your essay is coherent, smoother transitions can enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. While the examples given are good, adding more can strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument and clearly outlines your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is well-rounded and reinforces your main argument, providing a satisfying sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
The essay is cohesive with logical structuring of points in each paragraph, making it easy to follow your argument.
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