Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's studies. And, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion on this?
Many parents complain that
computer
video
games
have no significant
to their Replace the word
significance
children
studies. And, those online Change noun form
children's
video
games
have a negative impacts
on their mental Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
as well as
physical development. I totally agree with this
statement.
To begin
with, there are several reasons why I believe that computer
video
games
can have detrimental consequences on mental
and physical aspects of Correct article usage
the mental
children
. Regarding mental health
, children
who play too much
online Correct quantifier usage
many
video
games
can are more likely to develop mental health
issues namely, anxiety, depression, introvert. This
is because children
lack of
face-to-face interaction with their parents and friends, and Remove the preposition
apply
children
live virtual world rather than real
world. Add an article
the real
Consequently
, computer
video
games
can leads
to Change the verb form
lead
decline
Add an article
the decline
a decline
of
Change preposition
in
children
mental Change noun form
children's
health
,and then
affect their performance in school negatively, because they find challenges to focus in
their studies.
In terms of physical Change preposition
on
health
, video
games
can encourage children
to adopt sedentary
lifestyle. To illustrate, Add an article
a sedentary
children
spend too much time in order to play video
games
instead
of engaging in outdoors
activities namely football, swimming, Replace the word
outdoor
tennis
, which Correct word choice
and tennis
this
can make them Correct pronoun usage
apply
are
more likely to become obese. Unnecessary verb
apply
A
a result, if the Correct your spelling
As
children
become overweight they will become more likely to exposure to get bullying from their peers in the
school, which Correct article usage
apply
this
can Correct pronoun usage
apply
impacts
their grades in the school negativelyChange the verb form
impact
,
because they struggle Remove the comma
apply
to
with bullying.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with parents who complain that Change preposition
apply
computer
video
games
cannot provide value for their children
's studies, because video
games
impact children
harmfully in their mental and physical.Submitted by faiz3177 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite