Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's studies. And, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion on this?

Many parents complain that
computer
video
games
have no
significant
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significance
show examples
to their
children
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children's
show examples
studies. And, those online
video
games
have a negative
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
show examples
on their mental
as well as
physical development. I totally agree with
this
statement.
To begin
with, there are several reasons why I believe that
computer
video
games
can have detrimental consequences on
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
and physical aspects of
children
. Regarding mental
health
,
children
who play too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
online
video
games
can are more likely to develop mental
health
issues namely, anxiety, depression, introvert.
This
is because
children
lack
of
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apply
show examples
face-to-face interaction with their parents and friends, and
children
live virtual world rather than
real
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the real
show examples
world.
Consequently
,
computer
video
games
can
leads
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lead
show examples
to
decline
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the decline
a decline
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
mental
health
,and
then
affect their performance in school negatively, because they find challenges to focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their studies. In terms of physical
health
,
video
games
can encourage
children
to adopt
sedentary
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a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle. To illustrate,
children
spend too much time in order to play
video
games
instead
of engaging in
outdoors
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outdoor
show examples
activities namely football, swimming,
tennis
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and tennis
show examples
, which
this
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apply
show examples
can make them
are
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apply
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more likely to become obese.
A
Correct your spelling
As
show examples
a result, if the
children
become overweight they will become more likely to exposure to get bullying from their peers in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
impacts
Change the verb form
impact
show examples
their grades in the school negatively
,
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apply
show examples
because they struggle
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with bullying. In conclusion, I strongly agree with parents who complain that
computer
video
games
cannot provide value for their
children
's studies, because
video
games
impact
children
harmfully in their mental and physical.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic growth
  • stunting
  • educational content
  • strategic thinking
  • problem-solving
  • addiction
  • social isolation
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • foster engagement
  • motivation
  • sense of achievement
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • intercultural understanding
  • monitor
  • screen time
  • balanced approach
  • potential benefits
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