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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#inventors #society #doctors
Nowadays,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is thought that developers do not play a significant role in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 as healthcare workers. I completely disagree that some jobs should be more valuable than others as all of them make
Add an article
a
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contribution to the well-being of the whole society. In fact, creators and developers play a crucial role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.First of all, they make a remarkable contribution to the
developing
Replace the word
development
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 of new mechanisms that help
humanity
 in every aspect of life.
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inventions
such
 as electricity or water supply
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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integral
Change the article
an integral
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 part of daily life,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creations like the Internet correction or mobile phones
push
Wrong verb form
have pushed
show examples
humanity
 to the new digital era and
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
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to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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 have a quick connection with relatives or friends even on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
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.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that
doctors
 and the whole medical science help us to be healthy, improve and allow us to live longer. Health workers are those who save lives and give second chances. Without
doctors
,
humanity
 would probably
extinct
Add a missing verb
be extinct
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due to
 pandemics and without proper healthcare.
Moreover
, I believe that both inventors and
doctors
 could help each other to improve their skills and to make a significant contribution to
welfare
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the welfare
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 of
community
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the community
show examples
.
For instance
,
doctors
 use equipment that was made with the help of developers and
thus
 help to save lives. In conclusion, these occupations are really important for
humanity
. Both
doctors
 and inventors rely on each other. Every job is not less essential than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 as all of them play a key role and are valuable.
Submitted by katya.8932.45 on

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Task Response
Ensure that the ideas stated in the essay directly address the prompt. Develop a clear argument with specific examples that relate to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas to enhance coherence and cohesion. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and improve the overall organization of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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