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Band 4

Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released.

#research #majority #criminals #prison #crimes
Nowadays, there are several studies about the several criminals who are under arrest in prisons
will
Correct word choice
and will
show examples
 make another case after finishing their punishment.
This
 essay will explain the cause and the solution to
this
 problem. On the one hand, Lack of
money
 and job opportunities are two reasons why
people
 turn back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail. When
people
 are already free from their punishment, they will not have
money
 to feed themselves or their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Also
, there are many
people
 with bank
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 banned,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
 of that they have to search for
money
 to buy food or goods.
Furthermore
, Companies in plural cities will check about candidate status from police officers to make clear that their future coworkers will have a good attitude in the office.
Then
, individual when
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are released, they will have
Correct pronoun usage
their name
show examples
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add an article
the note
a note
show examples
note
Fix the agreement mistake
notes
show examples
 of
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
 and that will make
them
Correct pronoun usage
it them
show examples
 hard to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work. In conclusion, few
people
 when
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 did not have
salary
Add an article
a salary
show examples
 or find work,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 can be the reason why
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will commit crimes after their free from
prisons
Fix the agreement mistake
prison
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the solution for
manage
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managing
show examples
 the increasing number of
people
 did the crimes is government to provide
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 institution for them. When they are released from
prisons
Fix the agreement mistake
prison
show examples
 they will get job opportunities.
Moreover
, the institution has to give the learning for them, so when they are free they will have several skills to find work.
In addition
,
this individual
Fix the agreement mistake
these individuals
show examples
 will have a job and they will get salaries to feed their children and to buy daily needs. In conclusion, the number of
people
 who commit crimes will decrease. In brief, the problems of criminals came from the fact that they do not have
money
 and they hard to find jobs.
Than
Replace the word
Then
show examples
, the resolve
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that problem is
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 institution
for
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 they can find
Add an article
a workplace
show examples
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces
show examples
 for these
people
.
Submitted by gabriellasada24 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation programs
  • Reintegration into society
  • Recidivism
  • Barriers to employment
  • Social stigma
  • Mental health issues
  • Peer influence
  • Inadequate post-release support
  • Counseling
  • Community programs
  • Substance abuse
  • Relapse into addiction
  • Support systems
  • Financial aid
  • Incarceration
What to do next:
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