IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #time #hobbies #case #effect #society
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Hobbies
Use synonyms
 have multiple functions in our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
, like
stress
Use synonyms
 relief, but work and family life
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 people can commit to
Hobbies
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is one reason why
Use synonyms
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 health issues
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 on the rise. In the
last
Linking Words
 years
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 at work has significantly risen, which leads people to be more tired in the evening. After finishing daily tasks and spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family or a significant other, a lot of people do not have the energy to devote some
time
Use synonyms
 to a Hobby. Often, the end of the day is spent in front of the TV or streaming services.
This
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 could be used for
stress
Use synonyms
 relief by either
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 or reading, but in my personal
experience
Add a comma
,experience
show examples
 it is easier to sit
passiv
Correct your spelling
passive
passively
 in front of a monitor.
This
Linking Words
 has serious health implications, as
hobbies
Use synonyms
 can have
Use synonyms
stress reducing
Add a hyphen
stress-reducing
show examples
 effects.
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Stress related
Add a hyphen
Stress-related
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 diseases, like heart problems, are one of the leading causes of death in our society.
Hobbies
Use synonyms
 could help to mitigate the effects of
stress
Use synonyms
 on our hearts significantly,
in addition
Linking Words
 to
stress
Use synonyms
 in our daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Hobbies
Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
 serve an important purpose, not only in our personal
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 in our society.
Submitted by katharina.wilfinger on

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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