IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#media #e #g #facebook #twitter #contact #people #life #development
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It is undeniable that social
media
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 plays a big part in
people
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's everyday life.
One
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 uses social
media
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 in various ways
such
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 as contacting, working, and connecting with other
people
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. With the benefits of efficiency and convenience, I consider social
media
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 usage as the superior channel of
communication
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which
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and
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 its advantages
outweighs
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outweigh
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 that of
the
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apply
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traditional offline
communication
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. First of all, those online platforms widen
people
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's chances in many
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 of their life.
People
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 can communicate right away without any conditions, especially when distance is the issue.
Therefore
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, there are more
chance
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chances
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 for
one
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 to get into his dream university abroad, or meet new friends worldwide.
Moreover
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, using social
media
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 as a medium
also
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enchance
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enhances
 productivity. In
workplace
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the workplace
show examples
,
for instance
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, the boss can reduce
employee's
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employees'
show examples
 time for meeting onsite by implementing online
meeting
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meetings
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instead
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;
this
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 makes employees
have
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apply
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more time to work on their responsibilities
instead
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 of
stucking
Correct your spelling
stuck
sticking
 in traffic on their way to
face-to-face
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a face-to-face
the face-to-face
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meeting
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meetings
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, the face to face
communication
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also
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have
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has
show examples
 values that cannot be completely replaced by digital mediums. Lack of
understandings
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understanding
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 and empathy often occur when
one
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 communicates mostly via social
media
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,
which
Correct word choice
while
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 offline
communication
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 doesn’t have
this
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 issue much. When
one
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 completely
see
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sees
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 other
people
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’s expressions and body language,
one
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 tends to develop
sense
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a sense
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 of connection and deep understanding.
As a result
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, the usage of social
media
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 might not be successful in dating. Finding love needs
high
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a high
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 level of intimacy and trusting that only chatting is not enough.
To sum up
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, even though social
media
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 platforms
has
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have
show examples
 some drawbacks of
less
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fewer
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 connections in romantic relationships, the benefits of online channels still outweigh
its
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their
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 disadvantages. Technology created social
media
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 for
people
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 to be capable
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
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apply
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globalization
as well as
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 borderless world. These developments of online tools helped
one
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 to catch up with their chances and conveniences
the
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in the
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 flow of
communication
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.
Submitted by vorakarnkat on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
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