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The growing number of overweight people is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lesson in school. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lesson #school
It is argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 count of obese people
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 making it difficult for
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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centers
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centres
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 to deal with the
health
 issues involved. Many
believes
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believe
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 that introducing and emphasizing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more physical
education
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
education
 can help to deal with
this
 problem. I am completely in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of encouraging more physical
education
 lessons in schools, which we will discuss in the next sections. Obesity is increasing
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an alarming rate in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 generation especially in urban areas. In a recent report published by American
Health
 Association, it is stated that Obesity has increased by 40% among youths who are aged between 21-30 years old which is really concerning. There are various reasons which are leading our younger generation to become overweight.
Firstly
, Automation is one of the major reasons which has some advantages but
on the other
hand
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,hand
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 it has
critically
Add an article
a critically
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 negative impact on
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
health
 of an individual. Humans are depending more and more on machines for their chores and their physical
health
 is deteriorating day by day. Another important factor for
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of overweight people is the food choices
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
current
Correct article usage
the current
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 time. They are more fond of fast and junk foods available than to have a healthy diet.
High
Change the article
A high
The high
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 number of calories and carbohydrate intake in the food items
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
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 weight aggressively if there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 no physical exercise
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in your daily routine.
Last
Add a comma
,Last
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 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least, teenagers are addicted to mobile phones,
tablets
Correct word choice
and tablets
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 for playing games and other various social activities which is encouraging them to stay
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
indoors and spend more time alone. It deeply concerns me that our younger generation is having
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 casual approach towards their physical
health
. I strongly believe that if we can introduce more physical
education
 lessons in the school curriculum , it can bring a phenomenal change in
obese
Correct article usage
the obese
show examples
 population to ease the burden on
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 care system.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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