IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #health #facilities #effect #measures
Currently one of the problems is the declining level of
health
. For avoiding it more
individualts
Correct your spelling
individuals
 say that rising the number of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities help to be heath. And in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is the best way to improve public
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
. For improving public
health
 increasing the number of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities is enough. Some older
people
 think that young teenagers may attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities but we can not take part in
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is not
true
Add an article
a true
show examples
 idea. Because there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
sport
 that could
ber
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 offered for all ages. Even walking
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes in the morning
help
Change the form of the verb
helps
show examples
 to be more healthy and it
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not require any
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 equipment and it is free. All ages
people
 can do it and humans do not need to go to
sport
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
 centre to attend it.
On the other hand
, individuals make a diet for improving
health
. It is
jus
Correct your spelling
just
show examples
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 way as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
walking to improve
health
. But more
people
 can not follow it. So they would prefer to require other measures.
However
 in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 if
people
 adhere to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise regularly and make a list of daily
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
 for every week what consume
people
 will be more healthy rather than expected. In conclusion,
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my view if
people
 make a list of daily routine for every week, and do exercise regularly help to improve
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
. Because in my
opinion
 the best way to improve
health
.
this
 that increasing the number of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities.
Submitted by islomov1229 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: