The line graph compares the percentage of people in Africa from 1994 to 2004.

The line graph compares the percentage of people in Africa from 1994 to 2004.
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of
telephone
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subsribers
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subscribers
in Africa from 1994 to 2004.
It is clear that
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fixed
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subsribers
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subscribers
only
has
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have
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small
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a small
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fluctuation over 10
years
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,
however
Linking Words
mobile
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subsribers
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subscribers
has
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have
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a
significantly
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significant
show examples
grwoth
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growth
through the ten examined
years
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.
Overall
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,these two categories
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telephone
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of telephone
show examples
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subsribers
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subscribers
have the same upward trend. In 1994,mobile
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subsribers
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subscribers
subscriber
is lower than fixed
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subsribers
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subscribers
with only 0.06%,and it started
slight
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slightly
show examples
grwoth
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growth
and has around 0.2% of proportion in fixed
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subsribers
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subscribers
in 1997.
Moreover
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,it gradually
growth
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grew
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and
has
Wrong verb form
had
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1% in 1999,
then
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it
continueous
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continued
increased
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to increase
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and
pass
Wrong verb form
passed
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over
percentage
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a percentage
the percentage
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of fixed
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subsribers
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subscribers
in 2001 with
3
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a 3
show examples
% of
ration
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ratio
show examples
in mobile
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subsribers
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subscribers
.
Addtionally
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Additionally
,It has dramatically increased over 3
years
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and has 8.8% in 2004.It increased
8.74
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by 8.74
show examples
% over 10
years
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.
Fixed
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The fixed
A fixed
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telephone
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is more popular than
mobile
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the mobile
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telephone
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with 1.7% in 1994,and it has slight growth in these 10 examined
years
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.
While
Linking Words
it got
Add the particle
to pass
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pass
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passed
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over by fixed
telephone
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subsribers
Correct your spelling
subscribers
with 2.9% in 2001,and
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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3.1% in 2004.It increased
1.6
Change preposition
by 1.6
show examples
% over 10
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by goeyqihang on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words telephone, subsribers, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "examined" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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