IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

There is a moral necessity today for the richer countries of the world to help the poorer countries develop in terms of feeding the population, education and healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#necessity #countries #world #terms #population #education #healthcare
In today's world, there is a widespread moral viewpoint among communities that well-developed countries should support other developing ones by promoting food for the local populations, high-quality schooling and medical management. I totally agree with the aforementioned statement and believe that if one state has
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 ability to help others it shall be encouraged to do so.
To begin
 with, the act of support from high-wage
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
 could be shown by providing under-developed countries with up-to-date technologies.
Consequently
, in the future, it would allow them to generate foods, goods and services.
For instance
, despite the fact the continent of Africa includes in itself several lands that are rich with mineral resources, it cannot get any profit from it
due to
 the lack of cutting-edge
machinaries
Correct your spelling
machineries
, and
therefore
, it needs assistance from enhanced lands to utilise
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 fossil fuels.
Moreover
, nowadays, undeveloped regions experience a lack of well-qualified and professional employees, since there are not enough
privilegious
Correct your spelling
privileges
 studying facilities to produce a knowledge base for them.
Furthermore
, brain drain is an ordinary scenery in undeveloped communities, in order to search for new learnings and fairly paid jobs. Recent research conducted by experts from the country of India validated the former statement, showing that 60% of regional students decide to move on to
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
provincies
Correct your spelling
province
provinces
 after graduating.
To conclude
, in my way of thinking, wealthy regions should show some
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of help to developing countries, so they would have an opportunity to enhance themselves. In case of an issue related to education and health protection programmes, some investments could be done to tackle those problems.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: