IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

3.Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behaviour. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

#people #children #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The argument to tame a child’s
behaviour
Use synonyms
 has seen many different opinions. Appreciating good
behaviour
Use synonyms
 has its own merits
while
Linking Words
 being punished for bad
behaviour
Use synonyms
 has a negative effect in the long run. In my opinion, punishing a child for his/her ill
behaviour
Use synonyms
 is unfavourable.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, when a child is surrounded by a healthy environment adapts good
behaviour
Use synonyms
 as his/her habit. Children when appreciated for their excellent etiquette obtain the ability to think out of the box, thereby, improving their intellectual
as well as
Linking Words
 cognitive skills
overall
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
Children
Correct article usage
the Children
show examples
 Union in Africa, the majority of youngsters under 13 years of age have fantastic conduct, as they have been awarded for every good activity for one consecutive year conducted in the school.
This
Linking Words
 helped kids to deal with situations in a positive manner and assisted them even during their adolescent period.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, many individuals of older generations advocate ill
behaviour
Use synonyms
 in children
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 be punished. When a child is penalized for an activity rather than being taught in a positive way has
resulted
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
 in long-term aggression. When insulted or scolded in the peer group, ends up in hatred and jealousy. The survey conducted at
Michigan
Correct article usage
the Michigan
show examples
 University of Psychology explained that the teenagers who were punished were the highest in number among others to envy other fellow students for being appreciated.
This
Linking Words
 fact claims that adolescent individuals hold grudges that result in mental disorders in the long run.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I advocate youngsters shall be motivated for their good conduct, and shall not always have material benefits.
Submitted by yusra.f.jaffer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on rewarding and punishing children for their behavior. You have provided examples to support your points, which is good. Make sure to clearly state your personal opinion in the introduction to enhance task response further.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. You have used linking words effectively to connect your ideas. However, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: