IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

‘Because so much information is available on the internet today, traditional secondary schools and teachers are no longer necessary.’ Do you agree with this statement?

#‘because #information #internet #schools #teachers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, almost everyone has easy access to
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 and electronic gadgets,
moreover
, being a
self learner
Add a hyphen
self-learner
show examples
 has become a tendency, being the youngsters the most fascinated about using the internet.
However
, I would argue that traditional schooling
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
convencional
Correct your spelling
conventional
 teaching
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a paramount importance in
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
education
 training.
To begin
 with, it is well known that youngsters can not discriminate rather if the information they gather
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the web
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is safe or not for them.
Aditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, lack of self
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 which is normal
between
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngster
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
could result in a significant drawback, adolescents are not mature enough to set goals in terms self
peaced
Correct your spelling
peace
paced
education
.
Furthernmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, to obtain fabulous results in the process of learning, it is needed to follow a determined educational curriculum programme, being the professionals in
education
 the most indicated to provide those resources, to allow the students to achieve higher levels of knowledge. Educational programs should
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 advised by pedagogical experts, for that reason conventional school
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is needed. it is of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
paramount importance that the government invest more in traditional ways of teaching.
To sum up
, even if the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 become the favourite source of learning, conventional
education
 should not
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
understimated
Correct your spelling
underestimated
,
due to
 the fact that in schools is where pupils learn how to socialize and make friends, those are skills that are needed in
every day
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
 life, and the only way to improve them is by sharing time with classmates.
Submitted by marjorie2908 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: