IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think getting old is entirely bad. However, others think that life of the elderly in modern world is much easier than in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #life #world
Getting old is a natural process that nobody really likes. When you reach a certain age, your physical conditions will inevitably deteriorate, and you may suffer from various kinds of diseases. When you retire, you will feel isolated because your previous work contacts may be all gone,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 you may feel useless to the world.
Furthermore
, when you get too old, you’ll have to rely heavily on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support from others, either physically or emotionally, and your
life
 will become a great pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your family and the whole society as well. For all these bad things about getting old, many
people
 argue that the
life
 of the elderly today is much easier than in the past. In the first place, medical advances nowadays have made it possible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
 to stay sound and healthy for quite a long
while
 even after they retire. Diseases
such
 as diabetes, hypertension and heart attack which might have inflicted pain on the old
people
 are no longer serious problems for them.
Then
, with the widespread use of modern communication technology, old
people
 today are no longer isolated from the world.
Instead
, by using their personal social media, they can always stay in touch with their families and friends, and share with them whatever they find interesting in their
life
. In
this
 way, they do not really feel lonely or abandoned.
Finally
, the improved social wealth and pension system have
also
 significantly reduced the pressure the old
people
 pose to their families and communities. So, I do agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
 today are enjoying a much more comfortable
life
 than, say, thirty years ago (
not to mention
 100).
That is
 why,
instead
 of being worried about their retired
life
, many
people
 even begin to expect their retirement to come, because they see
this
 as a new beginning of their
life
. I think, as long as the old
people
 have the right attitude, the modern world has indeed much to offer for their happy, enjoyable and rewarding retired
life
.
Submitted by walter6596 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: