Some people believe that a country becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and cultures. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

If
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
is often
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
that
state
Correct article usage
a state
show examples
with
people
from other
countries
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
more attractive and develops
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
faster.
This
essay will completely agree with the statement. I believe that
foreginers
Correct your spelling
foreigners
help
countries
to develop various sectors and improve impressively.
Nation
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
more interesting when the foreign
culture
helps to increase
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
of local
people
.
This
suggests that they could be a key point in developing various fields
such
as entertainment
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
culture
share from other
countries
and affect
nation
Add an article
the nation
show examples
in a positive way.
One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example is
Korea
. In the past 100 years,
Korea
merely considered its own
culture
and tried to avoid other traditions from different continents. As time went by, many different
culture
Change to a plural noun
cultures
show examples
came to
Korea
and developed festivals like Halloween, which is
one
of the most popular events in
Korea
, by introducing these events to local
people
. And These lead to
industiral
Correct your spelling
industrial
improvements.
Furthermore
, a mixture of nationalities can
also
improve
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
nation
to be more prosperous in industry.
In other words
, the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
immigration and the
students
Correct quantifier usage
number of students
show examples
who study abroad cause a strong contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
that country. China,
one
of the major
countries
in the world, used to recruit a lot of
global
Change the word
globally
show examples
talented
people
to grow both Information technology and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fame.
As a result
, it worked at all, and
people
(especially students studying abroad) from other
countries
contributed
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
developing
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
show examples
industry. For
this
, "Huawei",
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
one
of the most essential
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
in China. In conclusion, a mixture of nationalities makes a specific
nation
to be more
attrative
Correct your spelling
attractive
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
creating new events and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
the country in developing industry
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
faster as well.
Submitted by lunarsjy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural diversity
  • Innovation
  • Multiculturalism
  • Social fabric
  • Heterogeneity
  • Integration
  • Global connections
  • Holistic education
  • National identity
  • Tolerance
  • Heritage
  • Enriches
  • Vibrant
  • Clashes
  • Economic competition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: