Some people believe that a country becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and cultures. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

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If
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It
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is often
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
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that
state
Correct article usage
a state
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with
people
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from other
countries
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become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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more attractive and develops
more
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apply
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faster.
This
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essay will completely agree with the statement. I believe that
foreginers
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foreigners
help
countries
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to develop various sectors and improve impressively.
Nation
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become
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becomes
show examples
more interesting when the foreign
culture
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helps to increase
attention
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the attention
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of local
people
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.
This
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suggests that they could be a key point in developing various fields
such
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as entertainment
throughout
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through
show examples
culture
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share from other
countries
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and affect
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nation
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the nation
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in a positive way.
One
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of
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apply
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the
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apply
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example is
Korea
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. In the past 100 years,
Korea
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merely considered its own
culture
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and tried to avoid other traditions from different continents. As time went by, many different
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culture
Change to a plural noun
cultures
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came to
Korea
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and developed festivals like Halloween, which is
one
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of the most popular events in
Korea
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, by introducing these events to local
people
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. And These lead to
industiral
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industrial
improvements.
Furthermore
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, a mixture of nationalities can
also
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improve
specific
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a specific
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nation
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to be more prosperous in industry.
In other words
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, the increase
of
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in
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immigration and the
students
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number of students
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who study abroad cause a strong contribution
in
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to
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that country. China,
one
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of the major
countries
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in the world, used to recruit a lot of
global
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globally
show examples
talented
people
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to grow both Information technology and
the
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apply
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fame.
As a result
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, it worked at all, and
people
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(especially students studying abroad) from other
countries
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contributed
in
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to
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developing
IT
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the IT
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industry. For
this
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, "Huawei",
which
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apply
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is
one
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of the most essential
company
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companies
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in China. In conclusion, a mixture of nationalities makes a specific
nation
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to be more
attrative
Correct your spelling
attractive
from
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in
show examples
creating new events and
help
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helps
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the country in developing industry
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
faster as well.
Submitted by lunarsjy on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural diversity
  • Innovation
  • Multiculturalism
  • Social fabric
  • Heterogeneity
  • Integration
  • Global connections
  • Holistic education
  • National identity
  • Tolerance
  • Heritage
  • Enriches
  • Vibrant
  • Clashes
  • Economic competition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: