IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
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In many
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countries
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,countries
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 men have to do military
service
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 after school for one or two years. Some
people
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 think that
this
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 should be compulsory in all
countries
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 for men and maybe
also
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 for
women
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. I agree that there
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
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 some benefits to military
service
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 but think it shouldn’t be compulsory for all
people
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.
People
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 who are in favour of military
service
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 argue that it teaches young
people
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 many things. They will learn discipline and how to be part of society. There are
also
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 other skills like teamwork and leading
people
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 that are useful.
People
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 suggest many problems with behaviour and motivation might
solved
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solve
be solved
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 with military
service
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. With
regards
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regard
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 to
women
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 and military
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service
Add a comma
,service
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 I would argue that there is no reason why are they not part of it. Nowadays
women
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 are more equal than men and in many
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countries
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,countries
show examples
 it is normal for
women
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 to be in the military so I do not think that they can’t do military
service
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.
However
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, I think that the modern world is too interested in the military. We should encourage young
people
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 to be peaceful
people
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 and have respect for other
countries
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 and other
people
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. Some
people
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 say that the military is not a good place for learning these skills. In conclusion, I would argue that there are some advantages to military
service
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 and that it teaches young
people
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 important skills for life but I do not think that everyone should
be have
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have
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 to join
military
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the military
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. Perhaps young
people
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 should be forced to do some community work that would be more peaceful than in the military.
Submitted by ko.suke.831 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
What to do next:
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