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Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
In many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 men have to do military
service
 after school for one or two years. Some
people
 think that
this
 should be compulsory in all
countries
 for men and maybe
also
 for
women
. I agree that there
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 some benefits to military
service
 but think it shouldn’t be compulsory for all
people
.
People
 who are in favour of military
service
 argue that it teaches young
people
 many things. They will learn discipline and how to be part of society. There are
also
 other skills like teamwork and leading
people
 that are useful.
People
 suggest many problems with behaviour and motivation might
solved
Change the verb form
solve
be solved
show examples
 with military
service
. With
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to
women
 and military
service
Add a comma
,service
show examples
 I would argue that there is no reason why are they not part of it. Nowadays
women
 are more equal than men and in many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 it is normal for
women
 to be in the military so I do not think that they can’t do military
service
.
However
, I think that the modern world is too interested in the military. We should encourage young
people
 to be peaceful
people
 and have respect for other
countries
 and other
people
. Some
people
 say that the military is not a good place for learning these skills. In conclusion, I would argue that there are some advantages to military
service
 and that it teaches young
people
 important skills for life but I do not think that everyone should
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to join
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
. Perhaps young
people
 should be forced to do some community work that would be more peaceful than in the military.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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