Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
men have to do military
service
after school for one or two years. Some
people
think that
this
should be compulsory in all
countries
for men and maybe
also
for
women
. I agree that there
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
some benefits to military
service
but think it shouldn’t be compulsory for all
people
.
People
who are in favour of military
service
argue that it teaches young
people
many things. They will learn discipline and how to be part of society. There are
also
other skills like teamwork and leading
people
that are useful.
People
suggest many problems with behaviour and motivation might
solved
Change the verb form
solve
be solved
show examples
with military
service
. With
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
to
women
and military
service
Add a comma
,service
show examples
I would argue that there is no reason why are they not part of it. Nowadays
women
are more equal than men and in many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
it is normal for
women
to be in the military so I do not think that they can’t do military
service
.
However
, I think that the modern world is too interested in the military. We should encourage young
people
to be peaceful
people
and have respect for other
countries
and other
people
. Some
people
say that the military is not a good place for learning these skills. In conclusion, I would argue that there are some advantages to military
service
and that it teaches young
people
important skills for life but I do not think that everyone should
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
to join
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
. Perhaps young
people
should be forced to do some community work that would be more peaceful than in the military.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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