IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The given pie chart depicts The average Household allocate expenses living in Japan and Malaysia In 2010

The given pie chart depicts The average Household allocate expenses living in Japan and Malaysia In 2010
The given pie chart depicts The average Household allocate expenses living in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
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 In 2010
Overall
Linking Words
, It could be seen that
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 spent most of
money
Add an article
the money
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 on
Others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 goods and
services
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 other good and
services
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was
Change the verb form
were
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 lower than Housing in
Malaysia
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 In
Malaysia
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, the greatest proportion of spending was housing ,which stood at 34% of the total expenditure
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Japan
Change preposition
in Japan
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 was 32%.In
Japan
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, The largest spending on goods and
services
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 made up 29%,
when
Correct word choice
while
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 the percentage of goods and
services
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 in
Malaysia
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 was slightly lower than its in
Japan
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.Both
Malaysia
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 and
Japan
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has
Change the verb form
have
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 nearly similar expenditure on Food , In
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malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
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 was 27% and in
Japan
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 was 24%. It’s easy to see that Healthcare accounted for the smallest proportion of spending in
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 countries ,
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Malaysia
Change noun form
Malaysia's
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 spending on Healthcare was 3% and
transport
Add an article
the transport
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 was 10%
While
Linking Words
these figure
Change the determiner
this figure
these figures
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 was doubled in
Japan
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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