IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a 'gap year'; before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #year #gap #work #university #chance #horizons #waste #time
It is widely acknowledged that a part of the young generation plans a trip and recreational activities to enlarge their
world view
Correct your spelling
worldview
show examples
 until the busy lifestyle begins. But when it comes to outlay
people
 hold conflicting views. Some individuals assert that the cost of the travel is not a drawback
due to
 the new experience ,
while
 others advocate that it is worthless to spend money and
time
 on relaxation when you can save up capital on future studies or
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. On one side of
Add an article
the argument
show examples
argument
Add a comma
,argument
show examples
 there are
people
 who argue that encountering new places and cultures considerably outweigh its price . The main reason is the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of emotions and memories that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 brings us. It is crucial to spend the leisure
time
 correctly, in view of the fact that spending all our life at home and at the office equals
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health and mental weakness.
Therefore
, going abroad is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 chance to be active and avoid stress. As an example ,even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh air is something rare
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 big countries ,that’s why spending
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 holidays near the sea ,mountains or forests is an excellent treatment for our bodies and soul, regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 expenses. 
On the other hand
,
people
 have
this
 opinion that leaving your hometown is not a necessity and looking towards fun is for wealthy
people
 .The fundamental reason is the stereotypical thoughts about distractions.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 .there are
whose
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 who believe that taking a rest from work leads to laziness and that amusement ends at the same
time
 as childhood. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 everyone needs a break, and it is beneficial to combine
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recreational activities with quality
time
. To summarize, there will always be
divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
 views on whether to spend money and see new places or not .
Submitted by acaitaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: