IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is deprivation of accommodation for growing population, meanwhile government is trying to not to harm environment as much as possible.

#deprivation #accommodation #population #government #harm #environment
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
deprivation
Correct article usage
the deprivation
show examples
 of accommodation for
growing
Add an article
a growing
the growing
show examples
 population, meanwhile
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is trying
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to harm
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 as much as possible. As far as I am concerned, it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant problem that
authorities
Correct article usage
the authorities
show examples
 of
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
countries
Change preposition
of countries
show examples
 dealing with. First of all, housing is the fundamental basis of
growing
Add an article
a growing
the growing
show examples
 economy. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 home is the place where labours can rest and restore their energy after hard work in order to continue creating goods and services for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. If workers do not have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 area where they find serenity and
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
, they will have some issues with mental and physical well-being,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
brought
Change the verb form
bring
be brought
show examples
 about some crucial problems in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
Such
 as depression,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
lack of sleep,
declining
Correct word choice
and declining
show examples
 amount of dopamine that can lead to
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
 of their results at the workplace. Second of all, nature is
heritage
Add an article
a heritage
the heritage
show examples
 that was given
us
Change preposition
to us
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 our ancestors and our duty is to keep it safe,
transmit
Correct word choice
and transmit
show examples
 it to
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation. Creating new habitation may cause some issues, by transporting building materials using
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 we can release
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of carbon
dioxine
Correct your spelling
dioxide
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 source of global warming.
In addition
, noise
popullation
Correct your spelling
population
 is
also
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affect
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
township
Fix the agreement mistake
townships
show examples
. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account solving
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
show examples
 problem plays is as much vital role as protecting
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 assume that government has to combat
this
 problem without causing
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: