A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree? Essay Outline

It
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
is no doubt that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should impose regulations to take care of its citizens, and most argue that they should reduce the expenditure on social benefits and invest in defence methods. I partially agree with the above statement because, to create a safe and secure society, both governmental laws and individual cooperation are necessary.
Firstly
, even though the leadership imposes strict rules, there are people who will surpass
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
and indulge in various criminal activities. Even in most developed countries, there are still complaints of terrorism, racism and a lot of other issues. The strict laws and penalties have never helped them achieve 100% success in defending these issues.
For example
, the immigration
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
show examples
in countries like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
and Canada have imposed strict conditions for migration
however
there are a few percentage of people who get involved in illegal practices with respect to their qualifications or
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, and deportation complaints have not been reduced.
Secondly
, in some nations like India, the migration laws and certain other departments do not have strict rules, and owing to that, the corruption levels and standard of living are never improving. Apart from the educational advances, and improvement in education standards of younger people, still, criminal complaints and safety issues are
continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
to prevail because the government did not pass strict rules and the constitution is based on non-violence criteria.
Hence
, in
this
case, it aligns with the statement that the country should
also
spend on defence regulations. In conclusion,
overall
even though many nations suffer from problems like the inability of the authority to impose strict defence methods, it has
also
not been proven effective in some developed countries as well.
Therefore
, to achieve a crimeless society, a balance is required where plenty of cooperation is provided by the citizens for the strict regulations passed by the government.
Submitted by hemaecengineer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but it lacks depth and comprehensive development of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with logical sequencing of ideas. However, some points lack clear development and connection to the main argument, affecting overall coherence.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!