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Band 5.5

Every one of us should become a vegeterian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#vegeterian #meat #health
In
this
 era, most people prefer to be non-vegetarian as they find it tasty.
However
, I agree with the statement that people should become vegetarian as medical issues are rising
due to
 the consumption of meat but, I will mention some of the benefits of being non-vegetarian. There are many health issues rising in our day-to-day
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 because of
food
.
To begin
 with, in the past 2 ,decades many diseases
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 introduced to mankind
due to
 the consumption of pork, chicken etc.
For example
, in the previous decade swine flu came into existence
due to
 the meat of infected pigs. As the disease was airborne it didn't take much time to spread in the world even the death ratio went to 39% in just a few days of starting.
Furthermore
, there are more chances of getting
food
 poisoning by the consumption of flesh if they are not well preserved. For ,instance if the meat is not stored in cold storage and is consumed it might get
food
 poisoning.
On the other hand
, it is useful to provide high proteins and vitamins to the body. The highest B12 is found in fish if someone has a problem with B12 doctors suggest eating fish in their dinners as they help to recover speedily from that problem. Even eggs have heavy protein in them so it’s advisable to consume eggs.
To conclude
, as I mentioned the reasons why agree with the statement but
also
, I find it important to have non-veg
food
also
.
Submitted by patels on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay lacks a proper introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position on the topic, leading to a discrepancy in presenting a well-structured argument.
Supporting Paragraphs
The body paragraphs need to be more developed with clearer topic sentences and more elaboration on the points mentioned. The points should be directly related to the argument and should be expanded with more detailed examples or explanations.
Examples and Support
The examples provided are somewhat relevant, but they lack specificity and depth. Aim to provide more detailed examples to illustrate and support your points effectively.
Task Response
Consider developing your ideas more thoroughly, ensuring that you are responding to the task fully and presenting clear and well-supported arguments. Your agreement with the statement should be more evident throughout the essay.
Coherence
Work on creating a clearer logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transitions should be used effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
Grammar and Sentence Structure
Increase your use of complex sentences and vary your sentence structures to improve the overall readability and sophistication of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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