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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the present world, many people play
games
 on computers. Parents believe that
computer
games
 do not have any benefits and could have negative impacts on
children
. I partially agree with
this
 idea and feel that it has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand,
computer
games
 have several educational values.
Children
 could play with
children
 from different nationalities, and through these
games
, they might find new friends from all over the globe. Their friendships make them familiar with each others’ cultures and traditions.
As a result
, it could increase
children
’s general knowledge.
Moreover
, it is a fact that
children
 who play
games
 have better fine motor skills. In some professions,
this
 ability helps people to be more successful.
For example
, surgeons who used to play digital
games
 in childhood learn the various techniques of laparoscopic surgery faster than others.
Consequently
, these
games
 are useful in childhood,
due to
 entertaining them and in their future jobs.
However
, there are some drawbacks to playing
computer
games
. One of the most important ones is a sedentary lifestyle. Those playing
games
 sit for several hours in front of a
computer
 and only hit keyboards. They
also
 consume some unhealthy snacks
such
 as chips,
while
 focusing on
games
.
Therefore
, gradually they might be overweight and even obese, which could put their general health in danger.
Furthermore
, they hit the keyboard for long hours, and these repeated movements, in the long run, can damage the small joints in the hands.
For instance
, there is a new terminology as a game thumb which involves those who play
games
 for long periods.
Thus
,
according to
 parents’ opinions, it could harm
children
. In conclusion,
although
 playing
computer
games
 could increase the general knowledge of offspring and strengthen their motor skills, it could cause some physical health conditions.
As a consequence
, I believe that playing
computer
games
 has benefits and drawbacks. I recommend that parents let them play but for a certain amount of time.
Submitted by Rosa on

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task response
The essay provides a balanced argument on the given topic, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of playing computer games. However, it could benefit from elaborating on the negative impact of computer games in more detail to achieve a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively present the writer's position on the topic. Moreover, the essay maintains a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas. However, there is room for improvement in connecting the main points more effectively to enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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