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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows time spent watching TV by age and gender in the UK in 1995 and 1999.

The chart shows time spent watching TV by age and gender in the UK in 1995 and 1999.
The given bar chart depicts the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent
on
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apply
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watching TV per week by
age
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 and gender in the UK in 1995 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
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 who were under 45 years old in 1995, spent more
hours
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 than those
of
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above 44 years old,
while
Linking Words
 in 1999, the
age
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 of over
than
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44 tended to use their leisure
time
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 on the screen.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
for
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women
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of
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apply
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under 44 in 1995,
they
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apply
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utilised less
time
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 than those
of
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over 44, except for
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
those age
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age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 65 and over.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1995,
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 around 4-15
men
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, allocated more
hours
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 than
women
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, with about 18
hours
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 per week.
However
Linking Words
,
for
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those males who are at 16-24 used less
time
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 (17
hours
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) than females (almost 20
hours
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). It was followed by the
men
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Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
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of
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25-34, 35-44, 45-54, and 55-64 with nearly 21, 22, 23, and 25
hours
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 respectively: meanwhile for
women
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jut
Correct your spelling
just
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 with 25, 23, 24, 25 and 30
hours
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 in turn.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 1999,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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women
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
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of
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apply
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25-34 used
time
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 significantly with 27
hours
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, but
for
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apply
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men
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 just allocated 21
hours
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 per week.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the 65 and over, spent more with 35
hours
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 than those
men
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 with 34
hours
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.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, age, men, hours, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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