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Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
Sometimes parents give their
children
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to make their own decision on everyday matters. Some
people
 say it is a wrong idea because in the future these
children
more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 likely to think only about themselves, I think it plays a crucial role in the development of
children
.
People
 who think parents should not let their
children
to
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apply
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make their own choices in certain situations often argue that it has a negative effect on their characters. They think the way these individuals only
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 about their own desires will cause many problems between them and society. They often say that they will lose their emotion of empathy which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is an important feeling that everybody should have.
For example
, if a person from the workplace
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
needs help
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a certain problem, they will think about their own benefits from helping. Despite the understandable reasons why
people
 believe
children
 should not be free to make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 on daily matters, I believe it has a serious impact on them to find their own interests and tastes. In my opinion, these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of treatments can help these
people
 to make
them
Change the pronoun
their
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 own decisions in every aspect without thinking about criticism of society.
However
, it helps them to have more
grown up
Add a hyphen
grown-up
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 personalities which I think they are more likely to be respected
people
.
For example
,
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
 of choosing
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 food can inspire them to learn more about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different cuisines which
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
 them to admire other
people
 with their knowledge. In conclusion, giving
children
 the freedom of making their own decisions about daily matters is an important factor and it enables them to become more respected individuals.
Submitted by aslanlijavidan on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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