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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircut and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.

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millennium has ushered mankind to
ever increasing
Add a hyphen
ever-increasing
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 need of maintaining one’s image. It seems easier to people to get
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 by purchasing
apparels
Fix the agreement mistake
apparel
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 and cosmetics. I intend to explore
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 and demerits of
this
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 tendency in upcoming segments. On the one hand,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 and foremost benefit is that it boosts the confidence of individuals. By getting praise from others, mortals feel contended and satisfied.
Due to
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this
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,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 can face everyone in any situation as they do not look ugly because of these products. Eventually,
Correct article usage
the humans
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Change noun form
humans'
human's
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humans
Add the comma(s)
,humans
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 image becomes confident and attractive.
Secondly
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, to show
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
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elegant
Change preposition
as elegant
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 and young.
In other words
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, there are innumerable artists who have attractive
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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 as they use extravagant cosmetics on their skin
from
Change preposition
for
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long
Change the article
a long
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 time. One clear example is Shilpa Shetty who is in her 50s
however
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 she does not show her age.
Lastly
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, enhancing job opportunities for numerous folks. In order to get ready for any show or occasion, people hire make-up artists and
hair dressers
Correct your spelling
hairdressers
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.
This
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in
Change preposition
as
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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 becomes earning source for these mortals.
On the other hand
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, there are lots of drawbacks as well. It gives rise to plenty of health ailments. As everyone does not have enough knowledge about the product, they just watch the advertisement and attracts towards different beauty products. Every product has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own symptoms
nevertheless
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 few individuals cannot understand because of
illiteration
Correct your spelling
alliteration
illiterate
.
This
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 in turn creates several problems related to the skin.
Furthermore
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, it is a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
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 of money.
For example
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, branded clothes and cosmetics. These things are so expensive. In order to get these items, a lot of money is sufficient.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is not affordable for everyone mortal.
In addition
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 to
this
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, it weakens the quality of
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 youth. People would not only improve their external image but
also
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 reduces their internal art.
For instance
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, lack of skills. In conclusion, the aforesaid notion has advantages in terms of boosting confidence, looking beautiful and more
however
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, it has some disadvantages
such
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 as creating health issues, wasting money etcetera.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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