These days, many people like to watch live performances (such as shows or concerts) at home, either on TV or on a computer, instead of attending in person. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

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There are more and more
people
who prefer to watch events on their electronic devices rather than attend live shows. In my opinion,
while
there are some compelling reasons to do that, the consequences are outweighed by
far
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the benefits. On the one hand, watching a live performance broadcast on TV is a convenient and money-saving choice.
Firstly
,
people
don’t need to reserve tickets and long-distance journeys for live shows. When
people
join crowded venues, they will face risks of accidents like injuries and pushing and shoving,
as well as
criminal activities like theft or pickpocketing.
Secondly
,
while
tickets to live shows are very expensive, watching live concerts at home is more affordable and even cost-free for the audience.
This
helps many
people
with limited financial means access
such
captivating entertainment.
As a result
, a televised performance has many advantages for becoming popular.
On the other hand
, becoming a part of a live concert is exceedingly captivating in many aspects. Live shows and their atmosphere with thousands of
people
and high-quality sound always evoke profound emotions in participants. As a part of an enthusiastic crowd,
people
can experience passion to the fullest, which they cannot find in recorded shows. Live concerts are
also
good choices to make friends who share the same interests.
Moreover
, attendees can get closer to their idols, interact, and express their admiration.
For instance
, when Blackpink was scheduled to perform in Vietnam in July for no more than a day, the concert sold out completely.
This
shows the love of fans for their band. In conclusion, I believe that despite the advantages of a broadcast show, attending a concert in person offers a more fascinating experience.
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Language use
Avoid using contractions such as 'don’t' in academic writing.
Language use
Be careful with word choice; 'captivating' entertainment should be referred to as 'engaging' or 'exciting' entertainment.
Language use
Remove redundancies, e.g. 'Blackpink was scheduled to perform in Vietnam in July for no more than a day,' could simply be 'Blackpink's performance in Vietnam sold out.'

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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