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Writing Samples
Band 5

Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society
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It is
indubitable
Correct article usage
an indubitable
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 fact that the health sector has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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improved
from
Change preposition
over
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 the past few decades and
hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are now living better than past. Some
people
Use synonyms
 come with the notion that the aged
people
Use synonyms
 are a burden on the higher authority,
whereas
Linking Words
, others think that it is always good to have the elderly population in a country. I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of having
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old aged persons are far more in comparison with
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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.
However
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, there are some responsibilities which the government and family members should take for
well
Add an article
the well
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 being of the senior citizens. To commence with, the first benefit of having
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aged
people
Use synonyms
 is guidance which one can get after conversing with them.
In other words
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 are more experienced than adults;
therefore
Linking Words
, they can teach them in an effective manner by providing better understanding.
For example
Linking Words
, it is always seen that the children that take
advice
Add an article
the advice
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 of their grandparents do better in every field as compared to their peers
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 do not involve their elders in their life decisions.
The another
Remove the article
Another
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 prominent reason for having the old aged
people
Use synonyms
 is the responsibilities that they can take
care
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 of. Children or adults do not feel alone as they very well know that they have their elders with them that can handle any tough situation.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is observed through surveys of India that
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 who have old aged
people
Use synonyms
 in the family do not bother much regarding finances since all
such
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 work
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 being handled by the aged ones.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old aged
people
Use synonyms
 is one of the biggest
liability
Fix the agreement mistake
liabilities
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 which individuals have to carry .
This
Linking Words
 is because of their medical conditions,
dependancy
Correct your spelling
dependency
 and less strength in muscles.
Thus
Linking Words
, the onus is on family members and youth to take proper
care
Use synonyms
 of the senior members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, it is always beneficial to have our elders with us as they give right path towards our goals and satisfaction with their presence;
nonetheless
Linking Words
, in return, they only want love, respect and
care
Use synonyms
 from their children and society.
Submitted by manjotkaur540 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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