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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #reward #students #show #results #improvements
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There has been much debate about whether
students
Use synonyms
 who have the most excellent performance or ones who show significant development should be awarded. It seems to me that rather than rewarding
students
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 with outstanding scores in a school year, schools should facilitate improving undergraduates to enhance their study
results
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. On the one hand,
it is clear that
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 giving rewards to the best-performed
students
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 is a practice of most schools. To their mind,
examination
Add an article
the examination
an examination
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 is synonymous with a competition, where all the contestants strive for the winning spot.
As a result
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, the act of awarding will definitely show
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 that they are the winners,
therefore
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boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
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 and
stablize
Correct your spelling
stabilize
 their motivation and excitement for studying.
Consequently
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, those
students
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 will make greater process and achieve better
results
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.
Moreover
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, other undergraduates will derive extreme inspiration from the ones awarded,
hence
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 they will be determined to focus on their studying so as to enhance their academic
results
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.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 with considerable enhancement in their scores should be given rewards for their determination and hard work. They have always been exposed to programs, podcasts, or teachers’ words about the
results
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 of being patient and disciplined.
As a consequence
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,
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
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 being
honored
Change the spelling
honoured
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 will meet their aspiration and
therefore
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 strengthen their beliefs.
Furthermore
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, if schools only award
students
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 who performed outstandingly, others will hold the thought that they can never reach the winning spot, and the prize is never made for them.
Accordingly
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, some of them will believe that they are suffering from injustice,
therefore
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 have the tendency to accept their imaginary fact;
thus
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, their potential will be hindered and it will be challenging for them to thrive. For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that undergraduates who make considerable improvements in their academic scores should be given the deserved rewards.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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