IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The given pictures give information about the average household expenses in two countries, namely Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

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The given pictures give information about the average household expenses in
two
Use synonyms
 countries, namely
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
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, most almost families in both
two
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 nations spent their earnings on other goods and services, and
food
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.
In addition
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, the proportion of health care and
transport
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 in
Japan
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 was twice as big as that in
Malaysia
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. It can be seen that three factors including other goods and services,
food
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 and housing took the most of the
two
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 charts. In
Japan
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, other goods and services made up around 30% becoming the biggest of the chart,
while
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 that in
Malaysia
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 was over a quarter. The proportion of
food
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 in these
two
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 nations was 24% and 27%, and
this
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 figure placed the second highest in both
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
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. Malaysian allocated most of their income to dwellings which accounted for over a third of the chart;
however
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,
this
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 percentage in
Japan
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 was about 20%. The other
two
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 categories of
two
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 pictures were
transport
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 and healthcare. The percentage of
food
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 consumed in
Malaysia
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 was 3% and that in
Japan
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 was twice bigger which was 6%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 ratio in the
two
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 nations was by far the lowest on the chart. The same pattern was witnessed in
transport
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. Malaysian households used twice less money for
transport
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 which was considered to be 10% more than those in
Japan
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.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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