The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government

It is argued that compared with treating existing patients and their

illnesses

, it is more valuable to prevent those diseases by funding the development of

healthcare

Correct article usage

the healthcare

show examples

industry. I partially agree with

this

opinion and believe that financial investment in

illnesses

is still necessary in contemporary society. On the one hand, the prevention of diseases should be valued with an increase in governmental funding because it can reduce the illness rate from the beginning. That means with the help of

healthcare

professionals,

people

can live a healthy

life

by eating proper food or

taking

Verb problem

doing

show examples

routine exercise, which can mitigate their potential health problems, leading to the improvement of their

life

quality.

For example

, as the research related to obesity goes deeper, it has prevented many

people

with

over-weighted

Correct your spelling

overweight

show examples

problems from getting severe

illnesses

such

as heart disease or diabetes.

Therefore

, it is reasonable for governments to financially support the development of

healthcare

On the other hand

, the breakthroughs in medicine and treatment have undeniable contributions to

people

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and

this

industry is still playing a crucial role

to improve

Change preposition

in improving

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

overall

well-being. No matter how great we

tried

Wrong verb form

try

show examples

to prevent diseases,

people

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

still get sick someday naturally. Under

such

circumstances, proper treatments can help patients by diagnosing their problems, reducing their pain, and curing them from serious

illnesses

which may cause death, thereby, resulting in longer and healthier

life

for the general public.

For example

, because of the findings of antibiotics,

people

nowadays never need to worry about the miserable situation that happened during the Black Death will come again. Considering these reasons, governments should continuously fund the research of medicine. In conclusion, from my perspective,

although

healthcare

institutions play a critical role in improving the

life

quality of the general public, medical development still has its essential value in the improvement of well-being. It is important for the government to strike a balance in financially supporting these two industries, as both of them have the same aim, which is to promise a healthier

life

for

people

around the world.

Submitted by mxinyao on Fri Jul 14 2023

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Task Response

The introduction clearly states the writer's position on the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points. Ensure that the main body paragraphs support the thesis statement and maintain a clear focus on the task question.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay demonstrates cohesive paragraph structures, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and supporting details to enhance cohesion.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

340 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory jon or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and gives your opinion.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other subjets, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or this disagree?

Any country should be able to sell goods to other countries without the restrictions of the government. Do you agree or disagree?

Band 7+: Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?