IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, computers are used in almost every field, but parents do not allow their children to use computers. Why is this? How can we change it?

In
Modern
Correct article usage
the Modern
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 world electronic gadgets are part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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daily life, and people almost use them every part of
the
Remove the article
apply
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their life. As
everything
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with everything
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 they have benefits and drawbacks. And because of some disadvantages of it, parents put restrictions
to
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on
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use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of
computers
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
. And in my opinion
this
Linking Words
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
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 for youngs' educations and futures.
In point
Change preposition
Point
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 of parents,
children
Use synonyms
's attention can be easily distracted by devices because they are extremely fun for
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
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. They can play video games or watch cartoons and do different things. And these can cause to
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
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of
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in
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 grades, focus problems,
spending
Correct word choice
and spending
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 less time
for
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on
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 outdoor activities. And I think we can
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
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 these points. Sometimes
computers
Use synonyms
 have a negative effect
to
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on
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 humans.
In
Change preposition
On
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 point, if we manage the
children
Use synonyms
's computer time and activities which they do with
computers
Use synonyms
. We can see
positive
Add an article
the positive
a positive
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 effect of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can find a pdf of
needed
Add an article
the needed
a needed
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 book or
explaining
Replace the word
explanation
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 of
the
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apply
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some subjects which they didn't understand and they can look
the
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at the
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 moving mechanism of some 3D structures and
this
Linking Words
 helps them to improve themselves. In conclusion,
in
Change preposition
on
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
computers
Use synonyms
 can give harm
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
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children
Use synonyms
 waste their time on them or loss their
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
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, and
this
Linking Words
 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 social and
education
Replace the word
educational
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 life.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, correct use of them
Correct your spelling
can
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van
Correct your spelling
can
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 give fairy enough benefits which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can help them to understand some subjects, or 3d objects which they are hard to explain

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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