Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?
It is argued that thanks to the development of technology, it is now easy to reach anyone in the world. The internet has allowed us to build relationships with people regardless of their location. In my opinion, technology has many benefits, still, the presence of someone dear to us is incomparable to a virtual meeting.
On the one hand, the internet has no boundaries, allowing individuals to communicate with anyone, anywhere, and share updates instantly. Using those technological ways expands one's ability to connect with people from all over the world, eliminating concerns about losing touch or lack of trust, especially with family members who live far away.
For example
, I can keep talking with my friend
in Canada without physically travelling, saving me a lot of money and effort to go meet them.
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
On the other hand
, the numerical progress has negatively impacted our relations with others. Indeed, physical presence is quite important. By relying to
much on means of communication Replace the word
too
such
as Whathsapp
, we have deteriorated our relationships with others. When talking through messages, what someone means to say can seem much colder, creating the inversed effect desired. Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
Whatsapp
For example
, I have many fights with my sister who lives in Liverpool. Most of the time, the reason we end up fighting is because what we meant to say was misunderstood. Rebuilding the trust tafterwards
a lot of time Correct your spelling
after
that
all started because of communication through technology.
In conclusion, I personally think that technological developments have helped Correct word choice
apply
staying
close to people. Still, communication means are not able to Wrong verb form
people stay
transcript
the true meaning of a message, Correct your spelling
transcribe
thus
damaging the relationships that we have.Submitted by santos_dij on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is commendable. However, ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed, without introducing new information. This will further enhance the clarity and significance of your arguments.
logical structure
Ensure the logical structure of your essay is well-maintained throughout by using cohesive devices effectively. The paragraphs should flow naturally from one to the other, and it's advisable to include topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph for better clarity.
supported main points
While you have provided examples to support your main points, they should be more varied and detailed. This includes incorporating statistics, personal anecdotes, expert opinions, or historical examples where relevant which will strengthen your argument.
complete response
Your response answers the question in a complete manner, addressing both the positive and negative impacts of technology on relationships. However, further exploration of the subtleties and nuances of the impacts could provide a more thorough treatment of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are quite clear, but would benefit from deeper analysis and more comprehensive reasoning. Aim to explore the complexities of the topic by presenting contrasting views and providing a balanced argument. Each point should relate back to the central topic of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Your specific examples are relevant, but ensure they are explicitly linked to the question prompt. The examples should be directly related to the way technology affects relationships to ensure clarity and relevance. Additionally, you could consider a broader range of examples to illustrate your points more convincingly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.