IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given bar chart shows the number of boys and girls playing sports in Great Britain

The given bar chart shows the number of boys and girls playing sports in Great Britain
#bar #boys #girls #sports #britain
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar chart represents information about young
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
 who took part in six different sports in Great Britain in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1999. First of all, football was the most popular sport being played
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
, with over 65% of young people and
girls
Use synonyms
 were one-third of the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
 with around 18%.
Boys
Use synonyms
 got more involved in cycling,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 they enjoyed almost one in ten as much as
girls
Use synonyms
, and playing tennis,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 which they participated around 5% more than
girls
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the proportion of
girls
Use synonyms
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in outside sports
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 higher than
boys
Use synonyms
, but the percentage difference
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 around one in twenty.
Girls
Use synonyms
 are more active in long-hours
walk
Correct subject-verb agreement
walks
show examples
 or
hike
Correct subject-verb agreement
hikes
show examples
 - they account for 24% compared to 22% for
boys
Use synonyms
 – and blade roller, where
girls
Use synonyms
 played around 3% more than
boys
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
,
girls
Use synonyms
 love to swim above one in twenty than
boys
Use synonyms
 with 53%.
Overall
Linking Words
, by analysing the bar chart,
boys
Use synonyms
 stick to
ball related
Add a hyphen
ball-related
show examples
 sports
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 participate in cycling
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Chit Tone Lay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, boys with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: