IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Public celebrations (national days, festivals) are held in many countries. Some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree?

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Public celebrations are highly valued in many countries because of their importance to national culture and history. Some criticize that the government should allocate more monetary resources for other social welfare
instead
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 of wasting money on
festivals
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. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the expense involved in celebrating national days and
festivals
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 is worthwhile. Celebrating historical days
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 greater unity among citizens which is vital to
overall
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 national development. It is evident that these special occasions are important because they
associate
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are associated
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 with our history, culture or even core values.
For example
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, on
the
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a
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 national day, there are official ceremonies
such
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 as flag hoisting, playing the national anthem and parades which remind us of the fact that we should not take the comfort and freedom we enjoy today for granted. They are accomplished by the hardship and perseverance of our ancestors decades ago. These public celebrations provide a more remarkable experience for nationals, instilling patriotism and increasing their national identity which is worth spending.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that the limited public funding should be utilized in other areas to improve people’s living conditions. It is undeniable that a considerable number of fiscal resources are spent on traditional
festivals
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.
However
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, renowned
festivals
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 boost tourism and the local economy, creating job opportunities and increasing government revenue.
For instance
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, the Rio de Janeiro Carnival attracts approximately 500,000 tourists visiting Thailand yearly, which has become one of the most important sources of income for the Thailand government. In conclusion,
although
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 public celebrations are not cheap to
be held
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hold
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, the money is worth spending because it brings people together and upholds national integrity. It
also
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 makes a huge contribution to economic growth.

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task response
Task Response: The response fully addresses the task by discussing the importance of public celebrations and countering the argument that they are a waste of money. The viewpoint is clear and well-supported.
coherence
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a good logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The ideas are well-connected, and there is effective use of examples to support the points. However, there is some room for improvement in transitioning between paragraphs for smoother coherence.
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