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Band 6

Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages and what action should the government take?

#access #education #people #action #government
Despite the growing approach to education , a considerable number of residents cannot read or write.
This
 essay will outline a number of disadvantages of
this
 trend and several possible solutions to tackle the issue.
To begin
 with, there are several disadvantages which come from
this
 trend. One of the main inconveniences of
this
 problem is the difficulties
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 a job.
For instance
, today in Vietnam there are very few companies that hire illiterate population to work
such
 as Vinfact.
Therefore
, they don't have the opportunity for professional development. Obviously, they are unable to read and understand knowledge related to everyday life.
For example
, they can’t read newspapers to update with the news or read about new technology knowledge to understand them.
Consequently
, illiterate people will
be
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 difficult to read and comprehend books to widen their knowledge and meet that requirement.
Although
 illiterate people are facing certain limitations.
However
, the government can solve
this
 problem by implementing a variety of solutions.
Firstly
, the national leaders should provide financial support to the families have residents who are illiterate. In fact, governments in developing countries
such
 as Lao or Campuchia can set up providers to help poor families get more children to school.
Secondly
, open more evening or weekend classes to teach the illiterate for free.
For instance
, math or language courses on television or on the Internet.
Accordingly
, the younger generation can study government-provided online courses for free in their homes. In conclusion,
although
 there are some specific impacts on illiterate people, there are a number of viable solutions to counteract
this
 problem.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in analysis and development of ideas. It is essential to expand on the disadvantages of illiteracy and provide more detailed solutions to tackle the issue.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear but needs improvement. Use clearer topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph supports the main idea effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened with a more engaging introduction and a more conclusive ending. Ensure that each paragraph links back to the main topic and each idea is supported with evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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