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Band 4.5

Government should spend more money on medical research and less on researching the environment To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #research #environment
It is believed by a few people that authorities should spend maximum income on medical research rather than researching the environment. I think the ministry should equally focus on both factors because better medical treatment is paramount for a cure.
While
 the environment is
also
 an essential part of the
world
 to prevent greenhouse effects and it is a source of oxygen. These days, scientists and doctors are playing an extraordinary role in the
world
 every day they find better medicine.
For example
, when the whole
world
 was struggling against corona pandemic during that time researchers found corona vaccines and saved the
world
 from the corona.
Additionally
, in earlier times every treatment was painful
nevertheless
 medical treatments and operations have become faster and very less painful because of upgraded machinery and new technology and inventions so
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must spend earnings on medical research for the betterment of people.
However
, the higher authority should
also
 take care of the same amount of habitat.
For instance
,
nature
 is the heart of the
world
nature
 provides o2 so if the government can not take care and
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 very
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 money
then
nature
 will be destroyed later.
Additionally
, forest areas provide many remedies if management spends more money and explores more
then
 it will have a high chance
to receive
Change preposition
of receiving
show examples
 more remedies.
Consequently
,
according to
 a recent survey
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
wild animals and insects are part of the ecosystem so if the law spends money to develop
nature
then
 it can be better for the
world
.
To conclude
, higher authority and management have to support medical science
as well as
 the environment because these factors
are playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 a vital role in human beings.
Submitted by paramravalia24 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents arguments for both sides, but it could be more balanced in discussing the two aspects equally.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more engaging to capture the reader's attention.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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