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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

New technology have changed the way children spend their free time? Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays,
upcoming
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the upcoming
an upcoming
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 boom of technology
development
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have
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has
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 changed the overview of every possible
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
child's
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 livelihood. Even if we talk about inferior
time
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spending
Replace the word
spent
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 on outdoor activities in
compare
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comparison
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 to
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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, tablets and games.
Also
Linking Words
 If we talk about
overall
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 profile by tech, it could overpass some disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, extreme usage of smart devices in
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the age
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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of
Change preposition
apply
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2 to 6 years old
children
Use synonyms
 has increased, but it could be used for quick algorithm or metric
development
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 at
early
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an early
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 stage in life. Not only it will give enough
time
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 to
adept
Correct your spelling
adapt
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 latest innovation but
also
Linking Words
 provides
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 intelligence level at
this
Linking Words
 age.
For instance
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,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of spending major
time
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 on upcoming and latest
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
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 could impact
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 in
enlargement
Correct article usage
the enlargement
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 of
brain
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the brain
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. Unless
,
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apply
show examples
parents
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 can’t lose their blindsight of causes and forget about
real world
Add a hyphen
real-world
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problems
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. Which, either
children
Use synonyms
 have to face consequences or
adoption
Correct article usage
the adoption
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 of outdoor activity could solve
this
Linking Words
 issue.
For example
Linking Words
, every
kids
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 require
real world
Add a hyphen
real-world
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problems
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 to be faced and fight for it, but excessive use of smart devices could create uncertainty among
kids
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
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 of using
radio active
Correct your spelling
radioactive
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 devices
such
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
as
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 smartphones, computers and tablets can cause several health
problems
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 or afraid of losing eyesight,
parents
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 would have to face
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this
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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problems
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. It seems to me that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 not only going to outweigh
this
Linking Words
 reality but
also
Linking Words
 it will stop
significant
Correct article usage
the significant
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 growth
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 newer technology. Even though,
“prevention
Correct article usage
the “prevention
show examples
 is better than cure” quote would justify
this
Linking Words
 situation. To illustrate ti
this
Linking Words
, whether it’s
kids
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 or their
parents
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 are connected to current reality. In order to when
children
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 become hard to handle
parents
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 should
needed
Change the verb form
need
be needed
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 to handle their
kids
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 by letting them go and play outside sports, Rather than
handed
Wrong verb form
handing
show examples
 phones or tablets to them. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should have to force their loved ones to take part in outdoor games, for their own future
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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or career
development
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. In my opinion, controlling screen
time
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 and
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
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 between two things could be more beneficial for
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 life.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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