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Band 5.5

New technology have changed the way children spend their free time? Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #children #time #trend
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Nowadays,
upcoming
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the upcoming
an upcoming
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 boom of technology
development
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have
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has
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 changed the overview of every possible
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children
Change noun form
child's
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 livelihood. Even if we talk about inferior
time
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spending
Replace the word
spent
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 on outdoor activities in
compare
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comparison
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 to
phone
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phones
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, tablets and games.
Also
Linking Words
 If we talk about
overall
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development
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 in
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 profile by tech, it could overpass some disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, extreme usage of smart devices in
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the age
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age
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ages
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of
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apply
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2 to 6 years old
children
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 has increased, but it could be used for quick algorithm or metric
development
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 at
early
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an early
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 stage in life. Not only it will give enough
time
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 to
adept
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adapt
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 latest innovation but
also
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 provides
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 intelligence level at
this
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 age.
For instance
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,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of spending major
time
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 on upcoming and latest
trend
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trends
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 could impact
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 in
enlargement
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the enlargement
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 of
brain
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the brain
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. Unless
,
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apply
show examples
parents
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 can’t lose their blindsight of causes and forget about
real world
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real-world
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problems
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. Which, either
children
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 have to face consequences or
adoption
Correct article usage
the adoption
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 of outdoor activity could solve
this
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 issue.
For example
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, every
kids
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 require
real world
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real-world
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problems
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 to be faced and fight for it, but excessive use of smart devices could create uncertainty among
kids
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.
On the other hand
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,
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
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 of using
radio active
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radioactive
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 devices
such
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at
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as
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 smartphones, computers and tablets can cause several health
problems
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 or afraid of losing eyesight,
parents
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 would have to face
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this
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this problem
these problems
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problems
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. It seems to me that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 not only going to outweigh
this
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 reality but
also
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 it will stop
significant
Correct article usage
the significant
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 growth
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 newer technology. Even though,
“prevention
Correct article usage
the “prevention
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 is better than cure” quote would justify
this
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 situation. To illustrate ti
this
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, whether it’s
kids
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 or their
parents
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 are connected to current reality. In order to when
children
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 become hard to handle
parents
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 should
needed
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need
be needed
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 to handle their
kids
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 by letting them go and play outside sports, Rather than
handed
Wrong verb form
handing
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 phones or tablets to them. In conclusion,
parents
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 should have to force their loved ones to take part in outdoor games, for their own future
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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or career
development
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. In my opinion, controlling screen
time
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 and
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
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 between two things could be more beneficial for
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 life.
Submitted by user349953 on

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Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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