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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, too much money was spent by government and individuals on national celebration such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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It is argued that the government and individuals overspend on significant festivals each year. As far as I am concerned,
while
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 the outlay may be necessary in some aspects, we should control the budget to a certain extent. The reasons for the spending on national celebrations are manifold, but chief among them is many festivals have a vital connection with the cultural, national and traditional identity of a country
holds
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. In the celebration of those big events, folks are able to have a better understanding of their culture, history and national pride, which will
further
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 bond and unite all citizens from different backgrounds together, recognising who they are and what should they advocate. In
this
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 sense, if the outgoings are cut off, traditions and customs that have been followed for centuries will become extinct,
thus
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 leading
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to a
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a
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an
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 irreversible loss for a nation.
For example
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, the Spring Festival is celebrated by all Chinese worldwide, which symbolises not only old memories and distinctive cuisines but
the
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also the
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 history of the civilization of ancient China.
As a result
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, the expenditure on governmental and individual levels should be a must.
On the other hand
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, despite the advantages discussed above, there are
also
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 drawbacks to the large amount of money spent on celebrations.
To begin
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 with, many activities are not environmentally friendly.
For instance
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, firing crackers is very popular in the Spring Festival, which results in both noise and air pollution,
as well as
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 a waste of paper and gunpowder. More importantly, it is meaningless for us when we have known that no ghosts exist on the planet
according to
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 scientific discoveries, so we do not need to "expel" them any more.
Furthermore
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, overspending on celebrating national events would reduce the crucial investments in public services and personal needs,
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 as infrastructure, medical care, etc. Under no circumstance should we exceed the governmental or individual income to commemorate some festivals, which will impair the meaning of the events per se.
To sum up
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, it is beneficial for us to spend on national celebrations.
However
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, the potential demerits should not be ignored, as we should strike a balance between cost and saving.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the consistency of your arguments by making sure each point logically follows from the previous one. Consider transitions between arguments to enhance the flow.
Task Achievement
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed more evenly. While you have strong points, more balanced exploration of both sides can strengthen the response.
Introduction and Conclusion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position and summarize key points.
Task Achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the Spring Festival, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear organizational pattern and paragraphing throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive spending
  • allocate resources
  • pressing needs
  • temporary pleasure
  • cultural heritage
  • fostering community
  • national pride
  • boost the economy
  • promoting tourism
  • social cohesion
  • investment in cultural preservation
  • budgeting and planning
  • moderation and strategic planning
  • cost-effective
  • vital areas
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