IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead”. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #instead”
The protection of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 is for keeping
balance
Add an article
the balance
a balance
show examples
 of the environment which will be
affected
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
but not all wild animals need to be protected. First of all, wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 be protected but what we need to aware
is
Change preposition
of is
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 is the one of the life
cycle
Change to a plural noun
cycles
show examples
 since human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 exited
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the world. So, hunting and farming are common and it is not what needs to stop in the modern time. Second of all, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 are growing the number very fast, so, some of them need to be
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
buy
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 the hunter species but in the
reallity
Correct your spelling
reality
, the hunter are not enough to control the below life cycle animal. Ex; the
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of
Canadian
Correct article usage
the Canadian
show examples
 wolf
affect
Verb problem
apply
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directly to the
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of
glass
Correct article usage
the glass
show examples
 field and the jungle for many
acre
Change to a plural noun
acres
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North America because there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 no hunter to control a
dear
Correct your spelling
deer
show examples
 and other species that ate glass and small
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
show examples
 too fast. So, it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
 by
human
Add an article
a human
show examples
 before
bring
Change the verb form
bringing
show examples
 the wolf back to the place.
The
Correct article usage
Last
show examples
last
 of all, There is an
internation
Correct your spelling
international
 law to protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild animal which almost
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
colse
Correct your spelling
close
 to extinction called CITES convention. So, the law wrote only the animal that
Add a missing verb
is importance
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 to the environment and needs to be protected, it
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that not every wild
animals
Change to a singular noun
animal
show examples
 should be protected but only the animal which is
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
responsible
 to protect. From all
ideas
Correct article usage
the ideas
show examples
 above, I strongly think that not all wild animals need to be protected, we should protect only the
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 that
Add a missing verb
are importance
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 or
almost
Add a missing verb
are almost
show examples
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
.
Submitted by amittawin on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a main idea and follow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and paragraphs. Avoid overly repetitive language.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that both views and your own opinion are fully developed and extended.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and punctuation to improve clarity, and check your work to avoid errors that can cause confusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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