IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are severe social consequences to housing shortages in cities and only the government can solve these problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#consequences #shortages #cities #government
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Many believe that governments are the only figures capable of addressing the accommodation shortage in cities and alleviating dire social consequences because of it. In
this
 essay, I will argue that tackling
this
 massive socioeconomic problem requires a significant
power
 at the size of government powers as the authorities have the
power
 of legislation to coordinate these
projects
as well as
 unlimited financial
resources
 compared to the private sector. One of the reasons for agreeing with the issue of housing shortage being merely solvable by the political authorities is that they have the
power
of placing
Change preposition
to place
show examples
 executive orders to benefit their attempts. No private sector has
this
 advantage to compete with them; resulting in being the only force capable of handling hindered issues like metropolitan accommodation.
For instance
, they could allocate a budget from other sectors like the oil industry to spend on housing
projects
 or simply raise taxes in order to gain more money.
By contrast
, the private sector lacks
such
 abilities to manage
projects
 to the extent of tackling metropolis housing issues.
Moreover
, in spite of being cautious about spending their belongings, governments have unlimited
resources
 of income to allocate budgets for possible
projects
. They have annual income along the lines of trillions of dollars, particularly in developed countries, from sources like tax, natural
resources
such
 as fossil fuels, etc., to plan any construction without being wary of their finances running out. The United States,
for example
, spends more than 5 trillion dollars every year in different schemes to improve their citizen's life.
Hence
, governments often have large budgets to finance different programs every year. In conclusion, I would argue that states are the sole figures capable of resolving the shortage of housing in big cities on the grounds that they not only have the
power
of imposing
Change preposition
to impose
show examples
 laws and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 orders for their desired objectives but
also
 their number of
resources
 make them the only viable option for significant
projects
 like housing.
Submitted by sajadtorab on

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Task Response
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, supporting your viewpoint effectively. Make sure to address both sides of the argument to provide a balanced perspective and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well-developed, with a clear introduction and conclusion. To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph is unified around a central idea, with clear topic sentences and supporting details.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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