It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent years there has been an ongoing debate about whether saving
money
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is essential for everyone , especially the young generation or not .
money
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is important for life but do we have to save for the coming years
? .
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?
.
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I believe that saving
money
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for the future is not that important because you can not focus on your life ,and it will be your only concern.
To begin
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with , if you want to save
money
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for the future
then
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it will be your only concern , many people put saving
money
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on their top priority if they want to go out somewhere they will think , do they really have to go out? By
this
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, they will cancel all the things that they want to do or buy.
Therefore
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they will not be able to pay attention to their present .At Oxford University , a study shows that Young students who want to save cash have lower marks than other students who were spending their cash wisely .
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, individuals who want to save
money
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can suffer from mental problems.
This
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is because if they want to start saving they have to work a lot so they can pay for what they need and
also
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save for tomorrow . For young people that they study and
also
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work they will be under stress and they will suffer a lot because they have to balance between studying and working . Research shows that young generations who work to save
money
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are suffering from stress and anxiety. In conclusion , I believe that it is not important to save cash for the coming years , because you do not know when you will die so enjoy the moment and do not worry about the future if you are doing good in the present .

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coherence and cohesion
Try to better organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and support it with examples.
task achievement
Make sure to include reasons or examples in all your main points for a stronger argument.
task achievement
Avoid vague statements. Be specific about what you mean by focusing on life over saving money.
task achievement
You expressed your opinion clearly on why saving money may not be important for young people.
task achievement
You provided some examples from studies to support your point, which is a good approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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