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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

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Introduction
Today in some countries it is very essential for
people
Use synonyms
 to have their own
house
Use synonyms
 rather than
living
Wrong verb form
live
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 in
a rented apartments
Correct the article-noun agreement
a rented apartment
rented apartments
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. There can be different reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 prefer it but personally, I do believe that it is better for
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 idea usually say that every person should have
guaranteed
Correct article usage
a guaranteed
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 roof over
a
Change the word
their
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 head, a home, which will always welcome its master and will not
requite
Correct your spelling
require
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 any payments for it. They are convinced that it is extremely important to own a
house
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
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 their middle ages,
also
Linking Words
. It is impossible to live in a
renting
Replace the word
rented
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house
Use synonyms
 at the ages of 70-80, they believe.
For example
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,
people
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 especially 40-50 aged ones, in Kazakhstan support
this
Linking Words
 point of view because it is a convention in their culture. Centuries ago youngsters of
Kazakh
Correct article usage
the Kazakh
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 Khanate had had
aim
Add an article
the aim
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 of constructing their own
house
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, which is named
as
Change preposition
apply
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a “Yurt” for their future families. And today
this
Linking Words
 tradition
is still exists
Change the verb form
still exists
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, with houses, changed only
Body paragraph 2
As a citizen of
country
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the country
a country
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 where it is a convention to buy own houses, I agree that it is a positive development.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , everyone has to think about his/her future. Renters might be evicted from
Use synonyms
house
Add an article
the house
a house
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 at any time, so they will not have a place to go.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is not really safe to rent accommodations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is cheaper to live in
Use synonyms
house
Add an article
a house
the house
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 which owns
to
Change preposition
by
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 a person rather than pay monthly to someone who cannot even guarantee safety.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youngsters
of
Change preposition
in
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 these countries will be more independent if they will have a name to buy
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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house
Use synonyms
. They will be responsible for their
house
Use synonyms
 and everything that it requires,
such
Linking Words
 as paying taxes,
for instance
Linking Words
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, different countries may have different occasions,
undiscussed
Correct word choice
and undiscussed
show examples
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
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, like in Kazakhstan’s example. And I feel that there is nothing negative in
such
Linking Words
 instances.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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