Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn the children into good citizens and workers rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In contemporary society, the primary purpose of schooling has been under heated debate. Many people hold the view that transforming students into good citizens and workers is the fundamental goal of education rather than concentrating on individual betterment. From my perspective, I agree with the given sentiment and
this
Linking Words
course of the essay will elaborate carefully to provide the reasons for my personal opinion. First and foremost, it is likely universal that a good individual should be useful to certain communities. It means that a well-skilled person might not be defined as a good one if those harms or are unsupportive to society.
Therefore
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, schools in which children's perspectives could be changed officially and openly should mainly focus on educating moral lessons and
qualifies
Correct subject-verb agreement
qualify
show examples
alongside particular subjects or skills. Being community-minded,
for example
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,
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
to be a necessary characteristic which is needed to be taught by school education, especially in fast-paced life in which there is likely sympathy insufficient. In a nutshell, a community
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
be prosperous unless every single citizen is dedicated to bigger purposes.
However
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, it is indicated that generally moral lessons are unlikely the only target of schooling since the development of societies relies significantly on single and personal innovations. specifically, Throughout the countless year of humankind's life, there was numerous innovative inventions and explorations that were undertaken by genius brains that have been changing human life totally and positively
such
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as America's exploration and invention of the internet and computers, or chronic disease treatments.
Therefore
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, alongside the primary goal, seeking and nurturing individual talents should be taken into consideration in order to create a quality workforce for our community. Seeking talent shows,
for example
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, specific courses, and modern facilities should be provided free for children when they are still in school seats. In conclusion, in spite of individualism development in contemporary society schools should play the main role in educating the young generation to turn out useful and well-educated people in their community.
Besides
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, increasing personal betterment is not likely less crucial,
however
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, it does not seem the major purpose of education.
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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your opinion and the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates adequate logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a clear frame for the discussion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
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