IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that animals should be kept in men-made cells. What are the disadvantages of keeping animal in zoo?

Keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in cages is believed by some people, and I think, it has some disadvantages to
animals
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 when keeping them in zoos.
However
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
 should
be lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
wildlife
Use synonyms
 in nature, but unfortunately, some people tend to keep them in a cage at their homes or in bigger societies like
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
Zoo
Use synonyms
. Actually, their selfishness will be so harmful to
animals
Use synonyms
. So, it has some disadvantages,
firstly
Linking Words
, keeping them in the
Zoo
Use synonyms
 will be a barrier to the natural activity that they could do if
Correct pronoun usage
they live
show examples
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in nature freely. As you know, all
animals
Use synonyms
 have activity without any restriction on their
wildlife
Use synonyms
, but when we force them to live in zoos, we undoubtedly
endangered
Wrong verb form
endanger
show examples
 their
wildlife
Use synonyms
 and habitat.
Secondly
Linking Words
, ecosystems depend on some factors, the main of them living predators and prey in a common habitat. So, keeping one of them in the
Zoo
Use synonyms
 is morally wrong, it will be true, regardless of establishing the best conditions for
animals
Use synonyms
 in the
Zoo
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
zoo
Use synonyms
 is a jail for
animals
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 after a long time led to their patience or death, because of faring their natural habitat. On the one hand, we should have sufficient information about
animals
Use synonyms
' lifestyles
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
، wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and the consequences of keeping them on their survival.
For instance
Linking Words
, their habits in hunting and their tendency to choose their hunt. Actually,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of correct knowledge about it
causes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
endangering
Wrong verb form
endangers
show examples
 them. So, when we cannot provide a suitable space like their
real
Correct word choice
natural
show examples
Use synonyms
wildlife
Check wording
habitat
show examples
, so certainly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should avoid imprisoning them in the
Zoo
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, imprisoning
animals
Use synonyms
 in the
Zoo
Use synonyms
 is not moral because of not
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 their natural right,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 my mind,
it have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 many disadvantages for their survival and
endangered
Correct article usage
the endangered
show examples
 ecosystem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with four parts: intro, 2 or 3 ideas for body, and a short end.
style
Use short, clear sentences. Break long lines into small chunks.
task
Stay on task. Say the bad points about zoos and why they harm animals.
examples
Give one simple example or fact to back up a point when you can.
grammar
Check your grammar and spell key words like zoo and nature correctly.
content
The view on the topic is clear.
coherence
Idea links show some flow between parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Confinement
  • Zoochosis
  • Natural habitat
  • Ethical implications
  • Artificial environments
  • Distorted understanding
  • Conservation
  • Habitat destruction
  • Inbreeding
  • Genetic diversity
  • Intrinsic rights
  • Species endangerment
  • Mental health
  • Inadequate conditions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: