IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and solutions?

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 suppose that
people
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
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 hardly
to take
Verb problem
get
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fully
Replace the word
full
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physcial
Correct your spelling
physical
 exercise. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give some reasons and suggest my solutions for
this
Linking Words
 situation. The reason, I realize it could be a vital part of
this
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 issue, is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the busy life in the
cities
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. The average
time
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 of working and study of
people
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 in the
cities
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 is around 8 to 10 hours per day including working overtime and participating in some extra classes. That would directly impact
on
Change preposition
apply
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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spending for
Wrong verb form
spent
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 doing exercise. Another reason
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 might be the
cities
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, where
people
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 can have more chances to approach with some
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
, which are
potential
Add an article
a potential
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 replacement for
pracetising
Correct your spelling
practising
 their physical health. The fact that
,
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apply
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 a huge number of children living in the
urbans
Correct your spelling
urban
also
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choose
Add the particle
choose to
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 stay at home and play video
game
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games
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instead
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 of playing sports or many employees
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will prefer to go to pubs as a gathering place than training in the gym. That could create gradually some less health habits for residents.
However
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, there are several steps
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 give citizens a hand to play
exercise
Correct word choice
and exercise
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 more regularly. The first solution is the permit from governments, companies and schools to cut the
time
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 of working and learning for
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 and students. Might be light reduction of 1 to 2 hours make a significant change for many
people
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. That would play an important role in the balance between
time
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 for working and
time
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 for themself. The second reason is propagating and launching more sports movements. Take
a
Change the article
an
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 event of BIDV as an example, the programme of running for the fund, which will volunteer for
people
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 who have a property live in the country. By running each kilometre,
people
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 can contribute 5.000 VNĐ
for
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to
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charity
Correct article usage
the charity
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 budget.
With some
Change preposition
Some
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 programmes like
this
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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not only
can enhanced
Wrong verb form
enhance
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 their strength
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 have
a opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
an opportunity
opportunities
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 for supporting
people
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. In conclusion, I believe that
people
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 definitely can implement some solutions
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mentioned like reducing
total
Add an article
the total
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working
time
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 and promoting some sports movements in order to tackle these concerns
such
Linking Words
 as the busy life in the
cities
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 and temptations.

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that you fully respond to all parts of the task. Your essay should more explicitly address the causes and solutions to the issue of lack of physical exercise in cities. Consider adding more detailed examples and explanations to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow of your essay. This includes using a variety of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively. Also, pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph deals with one main idea, clearly stated at the beginning of the paragraph.
General
It's important to check your grammar and vocabulary usage. Using a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures accurately can greatly improve the overall quality of your essay. Additionally, proofread your essay to correct any spelling mistakes or typos.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • desk-bound jobs
  • fast-paced urban life
  • conveniences
  • physical exertion
  • barrier
  • densely populated
  • pollution
  • safety concerns
  • urban planning
  • pedestrian areas
  • cycle lanes
  • accessible
  • workplace wellness programs
  • subsidize
  • financial barriers
  • public awareness
  • incorporate
What to do next:
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