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Band 5.5

People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #happiness #factors #life
Some would argue that
happiness
 depends on other factors in their life like financial stability, health
status
 and social life,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that
people
 are responsible for their
happiness
 and they can obtain
this
status
 just by finding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inner peace. I think that
people
 need a certain amount of comfort to be happy and
this
 includes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
status
 and social stability. On the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
people
 are the only beings that can feel
emotions
 and find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inner peace.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 they can control their feelings and expose them.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 some of them can show their
emotions
 by playing
piano
Change the article
the piano
show examples
 and
compose
Wrong verb form
composing
show examples
 music,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 draw on canvas to show their state of mind expressing
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 actual feeling. It has been demonstrated that
people
 who express their feeling are more likely to find
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 inner self and to be happy with it
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 the ones that choose to stay
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
 and keep the feelings
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 themselves.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
 is a subjective feeling and can be expressed in a different
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
. Many
people
 need more for
happiness
 like a big family and many friends, a good health
status
 and financial stability.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 the ability to generate money is one of the most important for
people
 because they can afford expensive properties, cars and luxury vacations and all of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 things
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 generate a lot of
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
emotions
 that define
happiness
. A study that has been conducted in the USA shows that the state of
happiness
 is
derivered
Correct your spelling
derived
 from the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of positive
emotions
 we can get and all the
people
 receive positive
emotions
 from different activities and achievements, some of them are happy to spend time with friends and family,
while
 others choose to work knowing that they will increase the incomes.
In other
words
Add a comma
,words
show examples
happiness
 has a different definition for each and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that different factors like family, friends, health and money are my definition
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
happiness
.
Submitted by aliaelarabi5 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
What to do next:
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