IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it government’s responsibility to transport children to school, while others think parents should get children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #government’s #responsibility #transport #children #school #parents
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Nowadays, it is becoming common for
parents
Use synonyms
 to
transport
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 their
children
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 to
school
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.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
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 believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 has to be responsible
to
Change preposition
for transporting
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
children
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 to
school
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,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
parents
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 should get
children
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 to
school
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. In fact, I side with those who think that
parents
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 should drive their
children
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 to
school
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. On the one side, the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to take
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
to
Change preposition
for transporting
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
students
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 to
school
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. Some
people
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 believe that it is a must for the
government
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 as citizens already pay the tax.
Moreover
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, the
government
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 should include student
transport
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 in the annual state budget. It will be beneficial to help society to minimize the education
expanse
Correct your spelling
expense
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.
For instance
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,
transport
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 services will help
students
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 come from lower-class family getting easier to get to
school
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, so their
parents
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 do not have to worry about the
transport
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 budget.
As a result
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, the economic rate will increase as
parents
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 can allocate the
transport
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 budget for other things. On the other side,
parents
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 should take their
children
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 to
school
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. By getting
transport
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 to
school
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, pupils can feel secure. They will feel safe as they go to
school
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 with
people
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 that they know well.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 tightens the bond between
parents
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 and
children
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. They can spend time together on the way to
school
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such
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 as talking about hobbies or friends. For illustration, worker-mom can have quality time together in the car with her child.
Consequently
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, the
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parents-
Replace the word
parent-child
show examples
children
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 relationship will become stronger.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is believed that taking
students
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 to
school
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 is the
government
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's responsibility because citizens already paid the tax. It will
also
Linking Words
 be helpful for
students
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 come from lower-class families because it will reduce their expenses on education. Meanwhile, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should drive their
children
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 to
school
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 as it will make the bond between them
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stronger. I am firmly convinced that it will be better for
parents
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 to take their
children
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 to
school
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 because
students
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 will feel secure.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of your supporting arguments to make the essay more cohesive and coherent.
task response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses both views and provides a clear opinion.
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