People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Individuals are responsible for their
happiness
Use synonyms
. Others think
happiness
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rely on other elements in their life. In my opinion,
Use synonyms
happiness
Add an article
the happiness
show examples
of
people
Use synonyms
depends on external aspects namely,
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, and
social
Correct article usage
the social
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of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. On the one hand, some believe
people
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are responsible for their
happiness
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. They think
people
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can participate in useful activities namely, playing sports,
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
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abroad, spend time with
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
, which these activities can help
people
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to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
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.
This
Linking Words
is because these activities contribute to
relieve
Wrong verb form
relieving
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stress and help
people
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to
enjoy
Correct pronoun usage
themselvesenjoy
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
choice
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the choice
a choice
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to read
a good news
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good news
a piece of good news
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in
newspaper
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the newspaper
show examples
or bad news, which means if they read
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good news can help them to become optimistic about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
On the other hand
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, I would like to agree with
thoses
Correct your spelling
those
who think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
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depends on outside factors
such
Linking Words
as
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, and
social
Replace the word
society
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of the country. Regarding
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the economy
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economy
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economic
show examples
aspect , if
country
Correct article usage
a country
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have
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has
show examples
prosper
Change the verb form
prospered
show examples
economy
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means more jobs opportunity for
people
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, which means
people
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are more likely to get
a better jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better job
better jobs
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such
Linking Words
as
,
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apply
show examples
good salaries,
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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work environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Individuals become satisfied
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
their jobs they are more likely to accomplish
happiness
Use synonyms
toward
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
porfessional
Correct your spelling
professional
and personal life. When it comes to social
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Individuals live in
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the neighborhood
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neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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low
Add an article
a low
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rate of crime they are more likely to become contented
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
live
Replace the word
lives
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.
This
Linking Words
is because they feel more safe to raise their children or go outside their homes without worrying about
to become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
victims of criminals.
To sum up
Linking Words
, In my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
rely on
outsides
Change the noun form
outside
show examples
elements namely,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
progerss
Correct your spelling
progress
of the country,
low
Correct word choice
and low
show examples
social issue.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
What to do next:
Look at other essays: