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Band 5.5

Families who send their children to private school should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#families #children #school #taxes #support #education #system
In today’s
society
, It is sometimes argued that the
taxes
 that support the state educational
system
 should not be paid by
people
 who send their children to private
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
. I agree with
this
 to some extent, but I do think all families should contribute to the state education
system
. On the one hand,
people
 usually think they should only pay for something when it is in their own interest, so they do not have to pay bills if they do not use the education
system
 provided by the government.
Moreover
, some
people
 think that that money can be used
elsewhere
instead
 of the educational purposes.
Nevertheless
, there are three main reasons why I think all families should be required to pay
taxes
 in any circumstances. First of all, some
people
 are lucky enough that they never have to use the ambulance or healthcare
system
, but
people
 still pay
taxes
 for that, and
this
 is how to maintain a good
society
system
.
Secondly
, the children who study in private
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 can still use public facilities
such
 as libraries or museums, it is
also
 part of the educational
system
 in some places.
Finally
, I believe a sound education
system
 can lead to a better
society
, so it is reasonable for all families to pay for the educational
system
 since it can certainly improve welfare in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. In conclusion, even though some
people
 think it is not necessary for
people
 to pay
taxes
 if they send their child to private school, I still believe that all
people
 should pay
taxes
 to the educational
system
.
Submitted by chiachen1999 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion lack clarity and could be more explicit. Make sure to clearly state your position and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly address the prompt in your introduction and present a well-defined position. Additionally, provide more specific examples to support your points, and ensure that your ideas are consistently relevant to the topic throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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